Friday, November 03, 2006

Blow by Blow with Paul

Guest blogger Paul (aka Adam Curry and other pseudonyms) whom you may remember from his Sid Barrett article, put this in the comments section of the last post. I think his statements deserve some front page billing … along with my comments on his comments. His text is in white, mine is in blue. Enjoy:

Being that I was/am a huge GnR fan, I feel obligated to comment on the video. Several amazing things to point out. Most telling being this was what eventually led to the implosion of the group as Axl wanted to continue writing these 'epic' type songs where the rest of the band wanted to go for a more rocking approach. I think Steven Adler (the drummer) ended up rocking a bit too much (if rocking = taking rocks of crack cocaine). I think by the end, you'll precisely see what GnR didn't survive much longer after this video. It's pretty telling. On to the video.

0:02 - You always knew you were getting a good, long video when the title was written in cursive, before the little MTV popped up telling you the Song, Artist, Album and Director. See, Thiller, Jackson, Michael.

0:20 - Who books GnR in this nice a place? Had they not heard of the 16 other riots that occurred at their shows? I believe that is Carnegie Hall… despite the fact they probably never practiced

1:33 - Classy dress. For the record 1:33 in the video shows a picture of Jesus on the cross. So either Paul is going to Hell for making fun of Jesus’ loincloth, or he was a second or two off – oh and I’m guessing the bride is from Jersey so it IS a classy dress

1:51 - Is that Michael Kamen? Looks like him:

2:05 - Now, he has a huge wedding, in a beautiful church, lavishly decorated, and she only has ONE bridesmade? Couldn't we get a cameo from some other Victoria Secrets models? Also, Slash is the only male member. Do you think the band had a meeting and drew straws as to who could be Axl's best man? The irony of this should not be lost

2:37 - I'm sorry, that guy is even a little too dirtballish for GnR.

3:24 - Can't be a wedding without inviting the backup singers.

3:36 - Are Duff and Slash the only two to show? Did the rest of the band blow off the wedding? I know Matt Sorum was new to the band, but you can't blow off the lead singers wedding, can you? When the lead singer has a habit of blowing off concert gigs, why not? They probably just figured Axl would bail anyway. Why bother renting the tux.

3:57 - Guitar solo ONE. And he HAS to be uncomfortable with the leather jacket and no shirt on. Good thing it's windy from the helicopter, at least there is a breeze. Slash is only uncomfortable with a shirt ON – if you raided the closets of Slash, Scott Weiland and Stephen Tyler I think you’d find a grand total of 7 sheer button downs, 3 vests, 2 undershirts, four scarves - all Weiland’s- and maybe a sweater… maybe

4:39 - There are gravestones out there. Who asks to get buried in the middle of a desert, with no roads in or out of any kind? I mean, come on, that's just inconsiderate of those that have to live on past you. Those are the graves of the Spinal Tap drummers

5:03 - Where did everyone go? They had a church full of people, now there's maybe 30 people hanging around to throw rice. I know Axl probably throws a bitchin reception and you're probably excited to get there, but you have to at least stick around to throw rice. And what's with the women without jackets? I've been to weddings in July where the women were complaining about being cold. And Slash, he's got his shirt open to his belly button. It's freakin November! Yeah but they live in LA. I think Slash should have worn a bowtie and coat, but no tuxedo shirt underneath. I would leave early if I was going to Axl’s wedding and then realized G ‘n R weren’t playing the reception. Did he hire a DJ?

5:12 - First facial sign things aren't going right. Axl probably kicked her on the way into the Rolls Royce.

6:00 - Did he steal P. Diddy's jacket? … or Liberace’s

6:10 - Cameo alert! Yes! Ricki Rachman from Headbangers Ball!

6:13 - Again, just Slash and Duff at the wedding. Clearly, the signs were there for the GnR breakup.

6:57 - Dude, it's raining. You can't just run inside? The doors are right there. Did you have to crash through the cake?!? You just don’t realize how intensely cold this rain was

7:15 - Now we know why there were only 2 people in the wedding party. They had no real friends! Come on, they had a packed church for the wedding, and now they can't fill 1/10 of the place. Everyone was mooching off them for the reception. Oh, and do you see any members of the band? NO. Some friends they are.

7:20 - What's with the left half of her face? Is she a Terminator? How did he kill her without either crushing her or dropping her into boiling metal? It’s a mirror reflecting half of her face. According to Wikipedia the idea was that she killed herself and because half of her was blown off they had to use the mirror to make her look whole. Wikipedia is never wrong.

7:41 - It's just Slash and Duff again. Matt, you're officially out of the band. And what about you, Gilby? What's your excuse? I’ve heard that Duff went back to school to get his MBA after he got sober and before Velvet Revolver started. Can you imagine Duff in your MBA class?

8:22 - I guess after getting drenched in the rain for the wedding, they decided to check the weather and grabbed an umbrella before coming to the funeral. Smart.

8:56 - Axl has a jacket on, clearly showing he's the brains in the group. Probably because by the end of the video he’s the only one IN the group.

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